There are no planets in retrograde!
Humorous Horoscope
Planetary Retrograde: A Humorous Horoscope à la Samantha Carter
Greetings, space travelers! It's time for another cosmic update from your favorite nerdy astrologer. Prepare your Stargate dialers, because we're taking a wild ride through the galaxy, exploring the current planetary retrograde.
First off, Mercury is in Aries, and we all know what that means - it's time to put on your thinking caps and solve problems with the speed of a Goa'uld zipping through wormholes. Just don't let your quick wit turn into impulsive actions, or you might find yourself stranded on a distant planet with nothing but an ALIEN for company. #MercuryInAries #ThinkFast
Venus has sashayed her way into Taurus, so expect love and relationship matters to feel as stable as a well-built Asgard ship. You might even find yourself enjoying the finer things in life, like a scrumptious feast in a Nox village. Just be careful not to overindulge, or you'll end up feeling like a bloated Unas. #VenusInTaurus #TreatYoSelf
Now, Mars in Cancer might feel as awkward as a Jaffa at a knitting circle, but it's not all bad news. This energy can bring out your fiercely protective side, making you the ultimate guardian for your loved ones. Just remember, even the toughest warriors need a break – don't forget to relax in your sarcophagus. #MarsInCancer #GuardianAngel
Jupiter's in Aries, too, so we've got a double dose of fiery energy. Use this cosmic boost to explore new worlds and expand your horizons. Just make sure you don't accidentally step on any Replicators while you're at it – they're harder to get rid of than a Tok'ra symbiote. #JupiterInAries #AdventureTime
Saturn is chilling in Pisces, which means it's time to dive deep into your emotions and
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