There are no planets in retrograde!

Funny Astrological Horoscope: X-Files Edition

Greetings, earthlings! Agent Scully here, and I've temporarily traded my FBI badge for a telescope to bring you this interstellar update. Prepare your tin foil hats and let's dive into the cosmic soup of planetary retrogrades! 🌌🔭

With Mercury in Taurus, the universe is telling us to slow down our thought processes to avoid any alien abductions... I mean, misunderstandings. So think twice before trying to communicate telepathically with your coworkers. 👽🤔

Venus in Taurus brings out the lovey-dovey side of everyone. Did someone say "intergalactic romance"? Just remember, not all UFOs are unidentified flirting objects. Keep it grounded, people! 💕🛸

Now, Mars in Cancer may make you feel like you've been probed by an extraterrestrial – emotionally, of course. It's okay to be vulnerable, but don't let those emotions control you like a puppet. You're not Mulder, after all. 🎭🚀

Jupiter in Aries has us expanding our horizons like we're exploring uncharted galaxies. Go boldly where you haven't gone before, but don't forget your alien etiquette handbook. 🚀📚

Saturn in Pisces teaches us the importance of boundaries, even in the vast cosmos. Keep your spacesuits on and respect each other's personal space stations. 🛰️🧘‍♀️

Uranus in Taurus is shaking things up like an interstellar earthquake! Embrace the changes, but don't forget to duck and cover when necessary. 🌎💥

Neptune in Pisces is a dreamy, mystical combo that's out of this world. Keep your third eye open, but don't let your imagination lead you too far astray. The truth is out there, but so are conspiracy theories.

The moon is currently in Scorpio, at 26 degrees, 07' 22", at a velocity of 13.4 degrees per day.

The Waning Gibbous moon is currently 17.8 days old. It is 377793.99 km from the centre of the Earth.

The next new moon is at 4:15:48, 20 Apr 2023. The next full moon is at 17:36:47, 5 May 2023.

The solar wind environment was nominal. Total field strength was steady near 5 nT and Bz ranged between +/-5 nT. Solar wind speeds decreased from initial values near 425 km/s to 325 km/s. Phi angle was predominantly negative.

There is a 20% chance of solar activity, with a 5% chance of a minor event, a 1% chance of a moderate event, and a 1% chance of a strong event.