There is currently only one planet in retrograde:
Retrograde Horoscope à la Arthur Dent
Retrograde Horoscope from the 42nd Dimension
Greetings, Earthlings and fellow hitchhikers of the galaxy! As you may have noticed, your precious planets are in a bit of a tizzy lately, with Mercury frolicking in Taurus, Venus moonwalking in Cancer, and Mars breakdancing in the same cosmic neighborhood.
Now, we all know that when planets go retrograde, things can get a bit wonky, like your trusty towel suddenly developing a mind of its own or your electronic thumb going on strike. So, what does this mean for you? Well, my dear space wanderers, let's dive into the cosmic soup and find out!
With Jupiter lounging in Taurus and Uranus crashing the party, expect an influx of creative energy and a heightened chance of befriending a new species of alien. They may look like an odd fusion of a Vogon and a bowl of petunias, but don't be alarmed! They're actually quite charming once you get past their unusual taste in poetry.
Meanwhile, Saturn is chilling in Pisces, and Neptune is right at home there too. This planetary combo has a knack for stirring up deep emotions, so don't be surprised if you find yourself sobbing while watching a supernova or reminiscing about that long-lost pair of biros you left on Alpha Centauri. Embrace the feels, my friends
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