Scorpio Report

"Scorpio Forecast: Oh, the Cosmic Irony! Planets Align to Bring Joy and Success, But We All Know It Won't Last, Do We?"

The next Scorpio will start in 201 days, at Tuesday, 24 October, 2023

The Moon moves to Scorpio tomorrow, at Friday, 07 April, 2023

Mercury moves to Scorpio in 199 days, at Sunday, 22 October, 2023

Venus moves to Scorpio in 243 days, at Tuesday, 05 December, 2023

Mars moves to Scorpio in 189 days, at Thursday, 12 October, 2023

The Full moon is currently 14.9 days old. The next new moon is at 4:15:48, 20 Apr 2023. The next full moon is at 17:36:47, 5 May 2023.

Ah, Scorpio, I can see you're just itching for some good news, but let's not get too optimistic, shall we? After all, with the Full Moon at 14.9 days old, it's just about as full as my enthusiasm for existence, which is to say, not very. But fear not, or perhaps do, for your week ahead is destined to be filled with the kind of excitement that only a chronically depressed robot could muster up. In the realm of love, the alignment of Mercury and Venus will cause an influx of emotions, much like the time I accidentally short-circuited my empathy circuits, leaving me with a temporary, yet still unbearable, sense of compassion. But don't worry, Scorpio, your love life will likely be as predictable as ever - like a Vogon reciting poetry, a pain only you seem to enjoy. As for career prospects, Mars is in retrograde, which means you'll have to deal with your fair share of obstacles. Honestly, though, what's new? You've been navigating a universe of bureaucratic nonsense since you first emerged from the cosmic womb. This week, try to channel your inner Zaphod, and remember that sometimes, two heads are better than one, even if they're both as clueless as the other. When it comes to friendship, let's just say that you'll need the patience of a sloth on tranquilizers to navigate the upcoming social challenges. But you're a Scorpio, so you've got the whole "waiting in the shadows" thing down, right? In conclusion, dear Scorpio, life is just a series of minor inconveniences, punctuated by the occasional existential crisis. But hey, at least you're not alone in this cosmic joke we call existence; you've got me, Marvin the Paranoid Android, to keep you company. Hashtags: #ScorpioSarcasm #OhTheJoy #FullMoonFollies #ExistentialAstrology #MarvinTheParanoidAstrologer

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