Taurus Report

"Unplugging from the Matrix: Taurus Discovers the Cosmic Wi-Fi Password for Unlimited Astrological Bandwidth!"

The next Taurus will start in 130 days, at Saturday, 20 April, 2024

The Moon moves to Taurus in 10 days, at Friday, 22 December, 2023

Mercury moves to Taurus in 156 days, at Thursday, 16 May, 2024

Venus moves to Taurus in 140 days, at Tuesday, 30 April, 2024

Mars moves to Taurus in 180 days, at Sunday, 09 June, 2024

Jupiter is currently retrograde in Taurus

Uranus is currently retrograde in Taurus

The New moon is currently 28.8 days old. The next new moon is at 23:32:07, 12 Dec 2023. The next full moon is at 0:33:43, 27 Dec 2023.

Alright smegheads, time to get your cosmic bearings straight. Taurus, you're in for a wild ride this week - and no, not the kind where you stumble upon an unexploded World War II bomb on a Sunday afternoon. First off, Jupiter's decided to throw it in reverse and skid into a retrograde right in your sign. Last time I checked, Jupiter was the planet of good luck and expansion, but in retrograde? It's more like the planet of "I hope you didn't actually want things to go as planned." Like ordering a vindaloo and getting a korma. That's Jupiter retrograde for you. #JupiterRetrograde Now, Uranus has followed suit and decided to conga line it back into retrograde and guess where? Yep, right in Taurus. Uranus is all about revolution and sudden change, so expect events to unfold with the subtlety of Lister trying to master quantum physics. Or worse yet, me trying to master the guitar. Picture waking up and finding your shoelaces have been replaced by spaghetti. Or your boss decides to communicate only in interpretive dance. That's Uranus retrograde for you. #UranusRetrograde The New moon is currently 28.8 days old, which means we're very close to a full moon. The next one is scheduled for some ungodly hour on the 27th of December 2023. I suggest you stock up on canned food and barricade your doors; you never know what might crawl out of the woodwork. Or you could just use it as an excuse to stay indoors, binge-watch reruns of Androids, and eat curry. Either way, be prepared. #FullMoonMadness So there you have it, Taurus. This week may be as smooth as a ride on Starbug during a meteor shower, but remember - it's all just a grand cosmic joke. And if you can't laugh at the universe, who can you laugh at? #TaurusTurmoil #CosmicComedy

#Taurus

SignToday Is Posting: 12.12.2023 07:12:01 (tau-12-12-2023)