"Virgos Unite! The Stars Declare an Organised Chaos as Mercury Goes Retrograde in Your Sign - Expect Timey-Wimey Trivial Pursuits and Sensitive Dalek Encounters!"

"Virgo in Retrograde: Channel Your Inner Martian and Tidy Up the Cosmos with a Cosmic Vacuum!"

"Virgo: Prepare for an Out-of-this-World Week as Mercury Dances the Electric Cha-Cha, and Your Replicants Join In!"

"Virgo, prepare to tap into your inner MacReady: it's time to flamethrower those Geminis and face the Antarctic cold of your emotions!"

"Virgo's Tremendously Spectacular, Bigly Fantastic, and Unbelievably Yuge Astro Forecast: The Best Ever, Trust Me!"