There are no planets in retrograde!

Planetary Retrograde: A Humorous Horoscope à la Samantha Carter

Greetings, space travelers! It's time for another cosmic update from your favorite nerdy astrologer. Prepare your Stargate dialers, because we're taking a wild ride through the galaxy, exploring the current planetary retrograde.

First off, Mercury is in Aries, and we all know what that means - it's time to put on your thinking caps and solve problems with the speed of a Goa'uld zipping through wormholes. Just don't let your quick wit turn into impulsive actions, or you might find yourself stranded on a distant planet with nothing but an ALIEN for company. #MercuryInAries #ThinkFast

Venus has sashayed her way into Taurus, so expect love and relationship matters to feel as stable as a well-built Asgard ship. You might even find yourself enjoying the finer things in life, like a scrumptious feast in a Nox village. Just be careful not to overindulge, or you'll end up feeling like a bloated Unas. #VenusInTaurus #TreatYoSelf

Now, Mars in Cancer might feel as awkward as a Jaffa at a knitting circle, but it's not all bad news. This energy can bring out your fiercely protective side, making you the ultimate guardian for your loved ones. Just remember, even the toughest warriors need a break – don't forget to relax in your sarcophagus. #MarsInCancer #GuardianAngel

Jupiter's in Aries, too, so we've got a double dose of fiery energy. Use this cosmic boost to explore new worlds and expand your horizons. Just make sure you don't accidentally step on any Replicators while you're at it – they're harder to get rid of than a Tok'ra symbiote. #JupiterInAries #AdventureTime

Saturn is chilling in Pisces, which means it's time to dive deep into your emotions and

The moon is currently in Leo, at 15 degrees, 35' 01", at a velocity of 11.9 degrees per day.

The Waxing Gibbous moon is currently 10.2 days old. It is 405360.18 km from the centre of the Earth.

The next new moon is at 4:15:48, 20 Apr 2023. The next full moon is at 17:36:47, 5 May 2023.

Solar wind parameters were elevated for the first half of the period following persistent negative polarity CH HSS influence. Total magnetic field strength reached 9 nT, the Bz component was primarily negative, with a maximum southward deflection of -7 nT, and solar wind speeds steadily increased from ~450 km/s to above 600 km/s shortly after 31/0000 UTC. Phi angle was predominantly oriented in the negative sector. At around 31/1100 UTC, Phi began to oscillate, wind speeds began to decrease slightly, and total field dropped below 5 nT. Bz was between 2 nT and -5 nT.

There is a 40% chance of solar activity, with a 25% chance of a minor event, a 5% chance of a moderate event, and a 1% chance of a strong event.